Here I am again

I have not been very good at blogging.. even after I resolved to make the effort!
So here goes.. and I warn you this is going to be as dull as ditchwater!
Had an excellent night out last week at a reunion. Not the usual schoolor workplace reunion.. but a reunion of people to drank in the same pub.
A night to remember.... if only i could remember everything that happened! Actually I do remember pretty much everything.
It was really interesting to see how people have grown.
We were all 'children of the troubles' and some had a more direct involvement than others.
We were mostly of the same age.. at least those who attended the reunion were.
So we have aged.. some of us with more grace and dignity than others; some with assistance from technology and medical science; some with no regard at all for the conventional wisdom about becoming more sensible as the years pass.
For the most part, everyone was really pleased to see everyone else.. we renewed aquaintances with people we hadn't seen or heard of for years. Cyberspace is groaning under the weight of all the Tweets and chats that have been exchanged between us in the past couple of weeks.
It was really interesting to see how we have changed.. people are 'well mended' (a little rounder than they were), greyer, more wrinkled and a little slower than they were but mostly the light of our collective youth was still glowing. We still have a spark of passion - every single person I spoke to!
It was lovely to relive our youth for a night and to remember all the really really silly things that we did. For the most part we were good people...... silly, stupid, a bit careless and perhaps loud.. but still, we were good. The 'good'-ness shines through in the jobs that we do. The vast majority in 'caring' jobs of one kind or another. That was interesting
anyway.. thats a post done! I will get back into the swing of this one of these days.. I'll try every day.. even to do couple of lines

So .. did I please you?

A man asked me that recently.
I don't know what I am supposed to say in these circumstances.. I wonder is he asking so that I can tickle his ego a little
or is he asking because he genuinely wants to know if he pleased me
Previous history with this particular gentleman would lead me to believe that it's the former though my natural instinct is to go with the latter. The response would be different for each scenario.. it's not in my nature to bruise an ego so perhaps i will tickle instead
This is quite the conundrum!

stranger

I just realised that it has been a very long time since I last wrote anything in here. In the context of my last post, I'm wondering what has brought on this silence.
Don't know really.. haven't been particularly happy or sad or anything for that matter!
So here are my considered musings on why I am quiet.
Work has been a bit of a nightmare. I am a bit frazzled and fraught with all the goings on. Office politics is something that infuriates me.
I think I am not quite clever enough to get involved. I am not good at second guessing what people are thinking or why they are doing things. If someone says something I assume they are saying what they think. Every single time I am shocked to find out they meant something else.
Biggest problem is though that other people try to second guess why I do the things I do and say. So for example.. I make a phone call to a colleague.. then the rumour mill starts with the ' why is she phoning her' 'what did they talk about' 'they must have been talking about x' ' that means that she made a decision about x and didnt tell us' ' that means that she is trying to undermine us'' we'll have to do something about it' .. then a plan is formulated to deal with the perceived affront.
Men still confuse me.. but I think I have perhaps covered this particular issue in more than enough detail. Just to say, still don't understand why they can't say what is on their mind.
I have a child to his preparing for uni next year and going through the selection process thing. If anyone has any ideas about how I can bribe uni admissions tutors, feel free to let me know. I hae no money no savings no assets (wealth or other) and no time to think up anything complicated.. so your ideas should be cheap, easy and not involve any time
I am now worried about why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.. I guess they'll tell us soon enough .. but really???????????? I like him and I think he has achieved a lot in terms of giving people hope and a sense of 'yes we can' but the Nobel Peace Prize???????
I am as usual obsessed with where the money is coming from to do anything from paying bills to having a social life. The bills are winning so far.
Still expecting my lottery numbers to come up. So far I have been disappointed twice a week.
Just read all that back.. now realise I spend too much time thinking
That must be why I don't blog.
New rules be in force from today.. no thinking without writing

oh dear.. i have been very silent

strange

i just noticed that I blog more when I am happy or angry but not really when i am calm or sad. That's strange..
Given my enormous capacity for over thinking, I have given this some thought.
I have come to the conclusion that when I am calm I have nothing to say.. so I don't bother.
When I am sad, I try to work things out in my head before I commit them to writing. Then by the time I have gone through that process, I am calm and serene again.. and therefore have nothing to say!
Alternatively, when I am sad, I am not really even admitting to myself that I am sad so I don't write because that makes it more real.
OR I am so private that I don't even want to let my feelings show.. even if it's anonymous!
So that has me thinking.. again

The 12th

It's the 12th of July .. the silly season.. the time when the great and the good of this fine country lose their reason. Or whatever bit of reason they had. Which - if I was being honest - I don't think they have much of to start with.
I hate the time around the 12th because it causes people to jump back into the trenches. (Even me.. in spite of my claims to be pretty much without bias and bigotry, I found myself having a wee secret giggle to myself because the weather has taken a dive so it looks like it will pour on their parade of culture.. hahahaha).
But in 'celebration' of the season, we've had a man beaten to death, bombscares, hijackings, threats, tension and just the usual run of stupid behaviour.
Just a bit sick of it

Steven Wells

Steven Wells .. aka Swells.. aka Seethin Wells was a man who ranted for a living - first as a poet and more recently as a journalist.
I remember him from the olden days when I was as angry as he was about life, music, politics, people. I suppose I still am that angry.. I am just not brave enough to express it, in the terms that I would like to, for fear of offending people.
I was quite shocked when I read about his death in the papers this week.. I hadn't really heard about him for a while.
The obituaries directed me to his columns in the Philadelphia Weekly.
I read the columns about his experiences of cancer and the aftermath of a diagnosis of cancer. I laughed and cried in equal measure. His descriptions of the health service were I am sure no surprise to anyone who has been at the recieving end of health 'care'. I would recommend this as essential reading for all people who work or want to work in the management/ admin side of health care.
I would also recommend it to people who want to be doctors, nurses, cleaners. In fact .. if you want to get involved in any aspect of 'caring' for other people, it's the most accurate lesson you will ever find in 'how not to do it'.
I wandered from there on to his other writing about bands, homophobia, politics, religion, life, the universe and everything. He wasn't 'nice', he didn't follow the rules of writing, he made up his own words (one of my own favourite pastimes), and he was unbelieveably cruel in some of his reviews and observations.
I think what made him a genius was his ability to write as if the rage was just pouring out of the ends of his fingers. He was obviously clever.. very very funny..articulate.. full of passion.. and without fear.
I suppose he had fears about life and death because I don't think that there's a person alive who doesn't - but he was not afraid to challenge what he hated or say what he felt.
If he was as he wrote , he must have been a thoroughly nice man.
When I get my 3 wishes, one of them will be to be able to write as he did... clear, fearless, funny, personal, passionate and angry.
The world will definitely be a poorer place without him.